DANGER SIGNS ARE AHEAD

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Jack Reacher Round Again and TToG&R

Jack Reacher round again and TTG and R

• by *KeswickPinhead, 20 hours, 21 minutes ago
• Journals / Personal

I don't know anything about the new movie 'Jack Reacher',
but my reliable non-existent friend told me
there will be a series of the 'Jack Reacher' films
Including one my invisible sources inform me will be titled
'Jack Reacher Back Mountain'

Cruising with Jack ReacherFor my facebook friends, the first part of this was posted there. The rest is new. I don't know anything about the new Tom Cruise movie, but I do know that it'll be a wasted opportunity if the film doesn't include these lines: "Anyone seen Jack Reacher? I'm looking for a Reacher 'round here" Think of this as one of those prank phone-calls that Bart Simpson plays on Moe's Bar. These lines would be uttered by a 'Moe-like' character, followed by his patrons laughing. On to the next one.... I haven't seen 'Jack Reacher', but my reliable imaginary sources tell me Tom Cruise is already shooting a sequel, an "evil twin" flick, rumoured to be called 'The Cole Trickle/Jack Reacher Story' (Separated at Birth) Finally.... I haven't seen 'Jack Reacher', but I hear Tom Cruise is planning a third movie in the series, tentatively titled 'Jack Reacher from the Black Lagoon'. I would love to hear any 'Jack Reacher' titles you would love (or hate) to see. Have a ni

TTG&R

I hear the people all talking overseas
They talk of Guns and Religion
And folks from the border south of me
They talk of Guns and Religion

Now I hear those same words all around me
They talk of Guns and Religion
What the hell can I do to make you see
That talk of Guns and Religion
Doesn't seem like the best way to be free
Don't talk of Guns and Religion.

From Afghanistan to the United States
the talk of Guns and Religion
Is often followed by death and misery
Oh look a pretty flower

What?
You were expecting me to talk of Guns and Religion again weren't you?
Stop doing that right now, or you get no dessert.

Guns don't kill progress, people do

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Guns don't kill progress, people do

• by *KeswickPinhead, 10 hours, 19s ago
• Journals / Personal

"The only real school massacres that have occurred in this country has been Columbine, Virginia Tech, and this one. That's three in the past decade, or rather more than the past decade considering that Columbine happened in 1999"
A person who goes by the name 'BlameThe1st'  actually said this.
Here is the entire, but probably ongoing conversation. [link]

I take exception to the word "ONLY".
Isn't ONE incident of multiple homicide too many?
He sights three incidents, but how many people killed?
How many men women and children traumatized in ONLY those three incidents mentioned?
Not to mention the massacres that ONLY happened in places OTHER than schools.

When I asked Blamethe1st if he found the statistic of three school massacres acceptable, he dodged the question.

"My point is that, the shock of these atrocities aside, In the end, they are anomalies, not the norm. Violent crime is still on the decline".
What a considerate person. I guess Blamethe1st thinks that's GOOD NEWS for everyone mourning family and friends today...

Your child's murder, and your grief?
Blamethe1st says it's only an anomaly...Merry Christmas.

Sad ArithmeticAccess to affordable mental health services > Access to guns Prisoners = Cheap Labour More Guns = More Crime + More Murder More Crime = More Prisoners More Prisoners =  More Profit for PRIVATE Prison Owners If you don't like to "do the math", how about some quotes instead? ‎"The guns and the bombs, the rockets and the warships, are all symbols of human failure" Lyndon Banes Johnson "Guns were invented and designed as weapons of war, not tools of defense, no matter what the NRA tries to tell you" Craig Wilkins AKA KeswickPinhead "Guns are bad, I tell you" Marshall Mathers AKA Eminem "John Lennon, Doctor King, Harvey Milk, all for GOD DAMNED NOTHING, god is a bullet have mercy on us everyone" "She could have been your mother" Johnette Napolitano - Concrete Blondes 'God is a Bullet'  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNZpkimAZSI&feature=share I will not be posting any attempts at levity today. The thought of trying to be funny right now.

Shooting at the Food CourtShots fired in the Eaton Center in Toronto. Horrible...who would shoot in a crowded place like a mall? News is just going mental around here lately, with the story of a hand and a foot being mailed to politicians, a twisted snuff-film making murderer on the loose, and now we've got another psychopath out there who needs locking up. I wish the police all the best in the pursuit of this violent turd who clearly has no concern for their fellow human beings. My heart goes out to those injured or dead (no word yet, it's a breaking story) and their families. For up to date details you could search 'Eaton Center' or #EatonCenter on Twitter...the tweets are coming fast and furious.

Martin Short brings back the laughter

Great Canadian Comedian/Actor Martin Short has shown us the way forward.

I was having difficulty with the notion of attempting to make humour after the recent tragedy, until I watched Martin Short host Saturday Night Live (SNL).
I was curious about how SNL was going to pull off a comedy show recorded so soon after that terribly sad day.
They had written skits all week not knowing what was going to happen...did they have to shelve some material?

I needn't have worried, with Martin Short hosting, the incomparable Paul McCartney as the musical guest, and amazing cameo appearances. The show was thoroughly enjoyable.

The answer to the question "how will they do it?" has been answered...
VAGINA JOKES!

From the opening musical number, sung to the tune of "The most wonderful time of the year" turned into a song about people having more sex during the holidays, to the Royal Gynecologist sketch, it was wall-to-wall vagina jokes.
According to one sketch, protocol states that the Royal Gynecologist has a number of official ways to refer to Duchess Katherine's genitals, none of which is 'vagina', which would get him executed.

I think my favourite was "the Chunnel". 

Another new fave was a character called 'The girl you wish you hadn't started a conversation with'...I loved it.

I'm indebted to Mister Short, Sir Paul, the cast and crew of SNL, and the star-studded extras who pitched in for last night's show....

The laughter you provided was just the medicine we needed. Thank you.

"I wonder....how does a man sit on a piano?"

What's in a name?

What's in a name?

• by *KeswickPinhead, 3 days, 16 hours ago
• Journals / Personal

Anyone who has been following along knows I love to point out when a famous person, particularly politicians or journalists, mix their metaphors or just botch what they were trying to say.

Uncomplicatedishness and Blinkered PunditryToday I heard a man on television say that the assassinated Mayor of Kandahar had unmatched "courageousness". Um…'courage' would suffice, actually. Then I heard a rapper called Pitbull say he never meant to "defamate" Lyndsay Lohan. Now…I'm familiar with the word 'defecate', but I believe 'defame' is what this wordsmith was trying to say. BTW, I'm not trying to defecate the courageosity of anybody who usifies these words with regularness. I'm just sayalizing that, sometimes, lessness is more. *************************** I have heard some questions and statements about the situation in Libya from News reports from NATO member countries that I find troublesome. First, a lot of attention has been paid to the percentage of Tripoli controlled by the Freedom Fighters. Was it 90%, was it less? I would like to ask these pundits this: How many cities in so-called "civilized" countries are 100% law-abiding and safe? Recent riots in America, Canada, and Brit

Say that again, Ed?"Mitt Romney went on the offensive today, defending himself..." - Ed Schultz on MSNBC 'The Ed Show' What does that even mean? If you are defending yourself wouldn't you just call that being 'on the defensive'? I will say that Ed Schultz was nearly right. Mitt Romney spent today on the defensive because of the offensive things he's been caught saying...again. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utsWJJJFLJE

His mother wanted a penis?"His mother wanted a pianist" said the '60 Minutes' correspondent and anchor of CBS NEWS.    It sure would have been mortifying for CBS if they had to explain that the mother of Leon Panetta did NOT desire male genitalia.Thankfully, Scott Pelley did NOT get the pronunciation of "pianist" incorrect....unlike the way he pronounced "memento".      It's embarrassing enough that Scott Pelley, a journalist, apparently thinks the word is "MOMENTO", but "His Mom wanted a Dick" would have been TOO funny...unless we're talking about Leon's brother, Richard.              By the way, I don't know if Leon Panetta actually has a brother named Dick, and I can't be bothered to Google it, but you see, I don't CLAIM to be a professional journalist.       Scott Pelley is one of the top news people at CBS, and his misspoken words go out to millions.

Scratching the Iceberg"We are just scratching the iceberg"  said the Animal Behaviour Scientist on the TV screen. Maybe I'm wrong here, I'm no Rocket Surgeon, but does that also mean they are only seeing the tip of the surface?Remember, never look a silver lining in the mouth, because every cloud has a gift-horse.

So, since I'm critical of the flubs of others, it's only fair to take myself to task.


"Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice, and is never the result of selfishness." Napoleon Hill
posted  J. Brooke Simmons, or ‏@VirtualCheetah from GreenDoorVirtual.com

"IDK. William Alexander Bell wanted a device to help his deaf wife. I wouldn't exactly call that selfless" I responded

to which she quickly replied " Lol... Always the devils advocate".

Couldn't resist the irony of answering "I disagree.", but did you catch it?

The inventor of the telephone was actually Alexander Graham Bell.
William Alexander was the double-first-named-artist (DFNA) who taught painting on TV...before Bob Ross...another DFNA.
In my rush to be Larry Contrary I mixed an artist with an inventor...which is great, maybe, if you want the name of the first guy to do a painting of a telephone.

On to round two of 'Craig BUTCHERS famous people's names'.

It irks me that reporters still refer to the Duchess of Cambridge as "Kate Middleton"...and not because I am a rabid monarchist, because I'm not.
I just can't recall the press referring to Princess Di as 'Diana Spencer' after William's mother was married.

So...I commented to @TMZ that her name now was actually Katherine Windsor....which, of course, isn't actually true either.

This branch of the Royal Family used to go by the last name Saxe-Coburg-Gotha....there's a mouthful.
Prince Philip, Queen Elizabeth's husband, has the last name Mountbatten, but that was also changed from Battenberg.
So, Kate's name could be Kate Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, if you think the monarch, even if female, should always retain their name, or Kate Battenberg, if you believe the Queen should take the last name of her husband.

Why did the Royals switch their name to Windsor?
War(s) with Germany, and the inevitable anti-German sentiment that arose in Britain as a result of those wars.


This may seem strange, but I feel better about the mistakes I've made once I correct them.
Embarrassed about making them, but relieved that I'm smart enough to catch them...at least, some of the time.

Don't look a Gift-Horse midstreamNever change horses in the mouth. If it ain't broke, make an omelette. If you've got broken eggs, don't fix it. There is no revenge so complete as a dish served cold. Revenge is a dish best served as forgiveness. After reading these hilarious mixed-metaphors the other day http://www.jimcarlton.com/my_favorite_mixed_metaphors.htm I decided to do some maxim-mash-ups myself. Have a nice day, may the force long and prosper. :iconlukeskywalkerplz::iconspockplz:

I dub thee LORD MITTENS?

I dub thee LORD MITTENS?

• by *KeswickPinhead, 57 minutes, 52s ago
• Journals / Personal

I just heard an idiotic American pundit on #CNN say "In Britain, when you lose the election, you can go to the House of Lords". 
His point was that poor Mitt Romney would be treated soooo much more kindly in the U.K. after losing, that he would perhaps even be dubbed a Lord.
He was insinuating that Barack Obama was trampling on tradition for not offering Mitt Romney a cabinet spot, or some other reward.
He was implying that the politician who lost after railing about people looking for handouts should get a handout, just like he would get in Britain.

What do my British friends think about that ridiculous assertion?

Let's get this straight right now, America, before this fool who the fools at CNN pay for his opinion is allowed to spread this foolishness further…

The House of Lords (HOL) is a farcical undemocratic body that should be abolished.
It is filled with doddering old white males who INHERITED their title.
NOBODY should be looking to emulate the HOL, ESPECIALLY so-called Small-Government-Republicans.
The Queen can grant you the title of Lord, but only after you've gotten the Order of the British Empire (OBE), and then been knighted. 

To give you an example, Paul McCartney, who is loved worldwide, has been knighted...
...Mitt Romney is no Paul McCartney.

There are NO political appointments to the HOL, after elections or otherwise.
Mitt Romney would no more be offered a seat at the table in Britain than he will be offered a plum position as a "gift" from President Obama.

Anyone who says otherwise has something in common with Mitt Romney and the idiot on CNN...
....the ability to talk out of their ass.


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Mash-Up Game Recap

Mash-Up Game Recap

So, I've been having fun with the Mash-Up Game

The Mash-Up GameDay two of winter boots...wearing weights on the end of your legs gets old pretty fast... But on to my question of the day. Does anybody know how to do musical mash-ups? I have an idea, and this also might be fun for a game. Mix together two titles to come up with a new combined one. In this case, these two songs would actually make a good combination, but for the game you don't need for the songs to be complimentary, it's the titles that matter. If I could make a mash-up, I would mix together Goddo 'Under My Hat' with Smashmouth 'Sorry About Your Penis' and call the resulting mash-up 'Under Your Sorry Penis Hat'. and now here's one just for the game... If I knew how to do mash-ups, I'd mix the Beatles 'I want to hold your hand' together with Smashmouth 'Sorry About your Penis' and call the mash-up 'I want to hold your sorry penis'. Try it at home, fun for all ages.

Rule 1. Mix together two song-titles to come up with a new combined one
Rule 2. Repeat Rule 1.

Here are some examples

If I knew how to do mash-ups
I'd mix 'Mary had a little lamb' 
together with Smashmouth 'Sorry About your Penis'
and call the mash-up
'Mary had a sorry little penis'

If I knew how to do mash-ups
I'd mix Carly Rae Jepsen 'Call me Maybe'
together with Smashmouth 'Sorry About your Penis'
and call the mash-up
'Call Me Sorry Penis'

If I knew how to do mash-ups
I'd mix AC/DC 'Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap' 
together with Carly Rae Jepsen 'Call Me Maybe'
and I'd call the mash-up 
'Call Me Cheap Dirt'

If I knew how to do mash-ups
I would DEFINITELY NOT mix Carly Rae Jepsen 'Call me Maybe'
together with Nirvana 'Rape Me'
After NOT doing this, I would NOT call the resulting mash up
'Call Me Rape Me'
It would be wrong.

If I knew how to do mash-ups,
I'd mix the Beatles 'I want to hold your hand' together with
Smashmouth 'Sorry About your Penis'
and call the mash-up
'I want to hold your sorry penis'.

If I knew how to do mash-ups
I'd mix the Beatles 'I saw her standing there' 
together with Smashmouth 'Sorry about your penis'
and I'd call the mash-up
'I saw your sorry penis standing'
or
'Sorry I saw her standing penis'

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